What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 18.06.2025 01:29
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Would this be the day?
Is it wise to choose your family over your honor?
Ive learnt so much.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
They are buried together, in the same grave..
What are scads fish? What types are there?
But it wasn’t much.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
I don,t even have a pension.
Why do you think Filipinos are conservatives?
I said to her
She loved him until the end.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
What's the point of gender reassignment surgery which doesn't change a person's chromosomes?
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
This is soul school!.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
What caused North Korea to go poor when at first it was rich?
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
I was seconnd youngest,
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Low-carb diets linked to reduced depression symptoms — but there’s a catch - PsyPost
I have no regrets .
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Is the Democrat party connected with organized crime in America?
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
But, we were locked up after school.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Do women like watching men sucking men?
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
I waited trembling.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
What's the most sordid activity you've ever seen or heard about at a bachelorette party?
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
My mum and dad in the seventies!
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
I was very sick at this time too.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
My family never makes their pension either.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
(And it was in our own minds.)
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
I was scared of men, in general
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
I never cut or harmed myself..
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
She found it foreign!.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
So whats the point in blame.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
I could never make a relationship work though!
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
I write beautiful poetry .
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
He knew the spot.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
I had hoped to write a book about this .
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Put me off passion for life!!
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
All the time i was locked up.
He resisted the act ,that day.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
We were not on the streets..
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Comes on , in middle age.
She wouldn,t have been !
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
I was 9 years of age.
My life is so biszare .
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
We all went to grammer schools
One cannot live in the past .
I couldn’t, believe it.
Why did i forgive my father ?
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
I think the readers, may guess!
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
But ive been too sick for many years..
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
What did i know ?
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
She married twice! .
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
On the 31st of Jan this month .
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Who then, do I blame.?
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
It was going to be , some day.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Especially a lifetime of it.
Im still living with it.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
As i do to all so called friends.?
So, i spoilt her more .
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
When she asked me how she looked .
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Was to survive, this bastard.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
And i lived it daily.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
She was in good health!
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
I will be 64.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Im dying but, im not bitter.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Where the ultimate outsiders.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.